As I went down in the river to pray
studying about that Good Old Way
and who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord show us the way
Oh, mothers let’s go down
Let’s go down come on down …
Oh, mothers let’s come down
down in the river to pray.

Singing that gospel hymn I sat with Joyce’s Hutchinson’s book on my lap.  I’d just randomly picked up May I Walk You Home and just as randomly opened to a metaphor which had started tears running down my cheeks.  I thought of the loss of my dear sister-in-love, Anne who had died recently. Despite the challenges of eight years of progressive cancer, each year since her diagnosis, she did a 24 hour ultrasake fundraiser for her dear supportive team at Dana Farber Cancer Institute.  Through years of chemo and radiation in a myriad of ways she kept her “eyes on the prize”; she stayed a flood light to peoples’ darkest corners. Because of her ability to inspire others to self-sacrificing service even when it seemed an incredible challenge, she was given volunteer of the year by her employer, Blue Cross Blue Shield.

The metaphor for Anne’s crossing the River of Life was a simple one. The author said dying is like walking out the door the first time you leave your children with a baby sitter. Sometimes the children are crying and Mom just has to accept the pain and go away with her little ones’ sobs ringing in her ears. Sometimes the children are at peace and it’s easier for Mom to shut the door and step out. This is how the author dramatized the importance of family and friends giving a dying loved one permission to die.

As I grieved Anne, I called my brother to see how he was doing as he tries despite his loss, to go on living. To start the conversation, I shared with him what I’d just read. Jeff proved how deeply he identified with my words as he shared his story. About a week before Anne died, she asked, “Is it bad of me to want Mom to die before me?” Jeff said “No, of course not.” The night Anne died, Jeff saw that she was getting weaker so he said “Anne it’s ok for you to go now. And if you want to take your Mom’s hand on the way, I’m sure she’s ready.” That was a week earlier.

Jeff went on to say that he’d just returned from the memory care unit where he was visiting Anne’s Mom, Terry.  While at the care facility the nurse, a friend of Anne’s, told Jeff, “On the evening Anne died Terry fell into a deep sleep; so deep was the sleep that try as we did, no one could wake her.  Actually, I was very worried about her.  She even slept through dinner, and Terry never ever misses a meal.  Concerned about her, I rolled her in front of the window in her room and stayed by her side.  When I finally was able to wake her, Terry looked up to the star filled sky and turning to me said ‘Isn’t it peaceful?’”

So, besides the connection of Anne’s death with her mother’s near death, Jeff and I were consoled by the metaphor in the book-gift I’d had for months and just unwrapped.  Yes, the synchronicity of the River of Life flowing between us and through the generations was such a comfort that I fell asleep again humming the mystery…

As I went down in the river to pray
studying about that Good Old Way
and who shall wear the starry crown……..

Dona Palmer January 18, 2021